11/14/11

still having back troubles. ran out of pain medicine. not looking forward to getting up and trying to do anything these days.

10/27/2011

i had a breakdown today. it was a pretty bad one. i think i need to take a pill or something to settle myself down.

the funeral was good as far as funerals go. I cried more then I thought I would. i think only because i was reminded of grandma too many times because every song that was sung by the singer was a song that she would sing while she puttered around the house do something or just when she felt like singing. Pat knew why I cried because I have broken down in Mass before for the same reason, but I did not share with anyone else. we told some of the family the date that is set for our wedding. no one really said much. i got to meet another of Pat's aunts. At least they all like me and make me feel welcome and a part of the family.

i have total insomnia again tonight. i though i would be able to sleep after the walk i took today and the pain i am in, but alas no. i give up on the brighter side my weight is 305 today.

weight 310. did my aerobics this morning and my ab lounger. feeling like a blimp. totally depressed.

i am getting really tired of doing the same things over and over again. i have been doing different stuff to try to get past the feeling. i have also started to grow my nails out again. i painted them platinum color today. they turned out really good for a change. today i also cleaned the fish tank and have been crocheting baby bibs from scrap yarns.

my gosh the time does fly when you are keeping busy. i had no idea it had been so long since i posted anything. i have been so busy using my new sewing machine and crocheting and teaching myself to knit that it seems i have little time for anything else. the holidays where especially difficult when i was trying to make gifts for everyone on my list, and once i thought i was finished doing that someone new would be added. then i had to deal with after Holiday depression because not all the gifts i made for certain people where appreciated. that killed my gift giving spirit for real. but not i am back into working and i have recently completed crocheting my first sweater. placed it for sale in my shop so you can find it there.

i am still on the weight roller coaster and i have to try to dedicate myself to the diet better. i have had terrible issues with blood sugar drops. weight this morning was 305.8 on my brand new glass scale. Jesus how I wish it was just so easy to loose 100 pounds. but it isn't easy at all. after eating like a pig yesterday today i have to try to rededicate myself to the weight loss again. i feel terrible this morning and i should. i am disgusted with myself.

it's tuesday

i spent monday crying off and on, this morning so far I called my love at 4 am, then I took a shower, prayed the Rosary, had a glass of chocolate milk, and now i have the sneezes. it is way too cold in here this morning.

phone call

my sweet love called me last evening which really helped to lift my spirits a lot last night. so much so that i walked to the store for bread afterward. he is the worlds best medicine for me.

tonights dinner

i am not cooking but we will eat leftover enchiladas for dinner. i'm too depressed to cook.